The Con is on....

I find it quite discomfiting that we have not had any contact with our RE since late July. Wait. I take that back. We have received a number of bills.

Is it too much to ask them to pick up the phone? "How are the shots going?" "Do you have any questions?" "Thank you for the 14 grand." I know that we can call them, but it makes me feel like we are the only ones putting any effort in this relationship. We have needs damn it!

Honestly, there is a small part of me that thinks we could be the victims of an elaborate con. I imagine us anxiously riding up the elevator for our first ultrasound, the doors open and... nothing but an empty warehouse!

No ornery desk clerk, no "wand" machine, no fake ficus plants, no spunkatorium. Just acres of cold gray concrete.

Our footsteps echo across the room as we step out of the elevator, looking around in disbelief.

"But it was here" Mrs. Beans stammers as she absentmindedly rubs her most recent injection spot. "I know it was."

There on the floor a lone brochure. "Baby Not on Board: Coping with Infertility."

We fall to our knees, "NoooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOO!

Cut to Leer Jet flying over tropical waters. Inside are our RE, urologist, and IVF nurses, laughing maniacally and sipping Cristal. "Like taking candy from a baby! Muuwahhhhaahahahahaha!"

Yeah, so apparently it is possible for men to get the sympathy "Crazies" when their wives are on Lupron?

Beans is Back!

It has been awhile since I have posted. There are two main reasons for this.
1. An absolute avalanche of work (back to school and all).
2. I promised a posting entitled "Are you there God? It's me Frank N. Beans."

I wrote about three versions, but it wasn't coming out right. I think the main issue is that I am having a difficult time distinguishing my thoughts between God and the Church and the roles that have played in our struggles with IF. Plus, I am always wary of the following:


The post still might come, but it may take awhile.

So what have we been up to? In celebration of my 32nd birthday I completed a "Fat Man" Race this weekend. The race was 4.8 miles and included 3 "aid stations." At each station each contestant had to consume a hot dog and a beer. I assumed that many of the other racers would be a little rotund, and in turn help my self-esteem, but alas, most of my competitors were tall and athletic helping them achieve the requisite 190 lbs. for official "Clydesdale" status. Still, I hung in there, and I did manage to finish the race in a respectable time, but I did not "finish strong", as Mrs. Beans pointed out when I chugged across the finish line.

I think that this is partly due to the fact that I haven't had a drink in almost a month as a part of out IVF training regimen. As a result I have rapidly dropped 8 lbs. and lost my capacity for devouring sodium enriched hot dogs and poor quality beer. I have not received much sympathy from Mrs. Beans (who is already in incredible shape) for my rapid weight loss. Still, I think that I could have performed much better and plan to tackle the race again next year. Hopefully, with a baby jogger!

In other news, Mrs. Beans did her first Lupron shot this morning and I couldn't be more proud. I had an early morning hockey game this morning that I offered to skip (in fact I wanted to skip), but Mrs. Beans said that it might be easier if I wasn't there to stress her out. I was very relieved when I received a text informing me that it went great and that it wasn't painful at all.

I have to say, she prepared for this day like it was the Super Bowl. She has been studying more film than Tom Brady and had created a pretty comprehensive game plan. Some thanks are certainly due to Bea for her excellent resource "the IVF Roundup". Between these videos and the help of the pharmacy, Mrs. Beans felt pretty confident.

I was grateful since I know that Mrs. Beans is a little needle shy! I had already considered that we might have to make the shots a game, where I would hide in our apartment with a Lupron loaded Blow-gun, quietly waiting for a bleary-eyed and unsuspecting Mrs. Beans to get out of bed. I was even prepared for a possible chase scenario.

So the meds have officially started. We will keep ya posted!

Just one of the girls!

Despite my external sexual organs, several of you have been kind enough to dub me a "Rockin' Girl Blogger." So a special thanks are in order for Top Cat, Sticky Bean, and Mrs. Spock.


In the spirit of the game, I wanted to acknowledge just a few of the blogs that I frequent. There are three in particular that I feel are very well written and entertaining (I also think that they haven't been recognized yet).

First, I really like "Maybe Baby" by Matt M.F. Miller. A much braver man than myself, Matt actually writes using his real name! I appreciate Matt's openness and honesty about his feelings regarding infertility, marriage, and life in general. I think he makes a good role model for obsessives like myself who only focus on IF. He manages to gently remind us that the rest of the world continues to turn as we try to procreate!

Second, I love to keep tabs on Flotsam's blog. Her writing is incredible and she consistently makes me laugh. She is also a few weeks ahead of us in the IVF game so her blog has been particularly terrifying and helpful. She always has the perfect adjective to describe whatever invasive procedure is being done.

Third, I have to recommend checking out Offsprung's blog. He hasn't written in months, but he is still well worth the visit. His writing is so good that I actually read his blog from the beginning and followed his entire story. It is worth noting that his mother-in-law works at the clinic that he and his wife use, so when he has to produce his "sample" she is in the next room! God bless this poor man.

Finally, I wanted to recognize several bloggers who go above and beyond the call of duty with regard to commenting (I also enjoy their blogs a great deal). I consistently see the names Sully, Samantha, Rachel, Chicklet and JJ in the comment sections of several blogs, including my own. I know that many people write for themselves, but it is always nice to know that someone else is listening and cares about what you think. These ladies have a knack for offering their compassion and support, they really are the glue that keeps the community together.

Stay tuned. Next week I plan to offend half of my readers with "Are you there God? It's me, Frank N. Beans."

Vegas Baby! Vegas!

First of all, just a moment to say thanks for all of the kind thoughts and comments on the last post. Despite feelings of queasiness, we are really excited about the next steps.

I must say that the 26 days on the pill that the doctor has prescribed does take the wind out of your sails a bit. I liken it to the scene in the movie Swingers! where Mikey and Trent decide that they are going to Vegas.

They get dressed up in suits, and spend the first 30 minutes of the trip talking about all of the "beautiful babies" they are going to meet, the money that they will surely win, and the comps that they will receive when the Casino recognizes them as high rollers. Each sentence is punctuated with a heartfelt, "Vegas Baby!"

One hour into the trip their energy is lagging and they can barely muster a "Vegas."
Check out this classic scene for yourself:

Very similar to the Beans family dynamic, with Mrs. Beans playing the practical role of Mikey.

It is a strange situation in that you are trying to strike a delicate balance between confidence/excitement and fear/anxiety. It is very emotionally taxing and we are only on cd4!

So speaking of Vegas. Let's look at the odds shall we. Under 35, with ICSI, our chances based on the clinics success rate is roughly 50% for one embryo. If there are two embryos available and implanted the odds of success increase to 52%. Something that is not clear to us (and we need to ask) is if two are put back what are the odds of twins? I am assuming that the 52% is with regard to one successful embryo. Also, what exactly are the potential complications that come with twins for both the babies and Mrs. Beans. We get the sense that the doctor will encourage up to do one embryo, but since we are paying out of pocket the 2% increase in odds does seem appealing. Thoughts?

And so it begins...

Today we begin our little $14,000 dollar experiment. The process feels very real now. No more brochures, videos, and web pages. We are actually in the process of an IVF cycle. Day 1.

We both feel sick to our stomachs.

I have to admit that I was still holding out hope that we would beat the odds and get pregnant naturally. Alas, we find ourselves starting down an unfamiliar path. Obviously we are feeling anxious, nervous, scared, excited, hopeful, etc. No jokes today. Just a deep breath as we take our first steps toward the future.