Poor Stirrup-Side Manner

Today was our first ultrasound (5 weeks, 5 days), the great news is that there is a nice healthy sac/yolk in there and an additional gestational sac that was very difficult to see (so there is the potential that there is another, but he/she is just hiding at the moment).

Of course we are grateful, but at the same time feeling a little frustrated by our appointment. Let's just say that the "stirrup-side manner" left something to be desired.

The wand was being operated by a "fellow" (inexperienced rookie) and her rotund supervisor was hovering behind her.

We got off to a rough start when the rookie's first words were, "WHOA! You have a HUGE cyst on your ovary!" "Did you know that?"

I was very proud of Mrs. Beans who calmly replied, "Well, I have been feeling some pressure, but obviously there would be no way for me to know that it was a cyst."

This is where Mrs. Beans is a good balance for my acidic sarcasm. I was ready to jump down her throat, "Yes, we purchased a home ultra sound a' la Tom Cruise and Katie Holme's and we have been monitoring the growth of the cyst. She's a real beauty, eh?"

Next, she moved over to the uterus and saw "a pregnancy." We were happy to hear that the measurements were on track when she exclaimed, "OH! WAIT, there is something else in here? Is that a... what is that!?!?" Based on her tone, visions of an Alien bursting out of Mrs. Beans chest danced through my head. Mental note: As we begin the search for an OB/GYN "really panicky" is not a characteristic that we enjoy among medical professionals.

"Is that another pregnancy? How many embryos did you transfer?" she asked incredulously.

Mrs. Beans, "2"

ME: TRY READING THE FUCKING CHART YOU IDIOT!!!

"I don't know about this one. I can't see a yolk. Chuck can you see a yolk?" (Chuck being the attending who is hovering behind).

Chuck (not looking at the screen) replies, "Nope."

"Let's me try a different angle," says the rookie as she mounts Mrs. Beans. "Nah, nothing. Can't get a good shot."

Keep in mind that no one in the room is directing any conversation toward us.

She moves down the wand, "Oh wow! There is A LOT of free fluid down here! See all that free fluid Chuck?"

Chuck replies, "Yes."

Mrs. Beans, "Umm, and what is free fluid?"

The doctor looks up, startled to see Mrs. Beans on the table.

"Free fluid is... uh... Chuck, you tell her."

Chuck (exasperated with our stupidity), "Free fluid is just blood and left over medicine that has pooled together, nothing to worry about."

Right. We feel much better. Unfortunately, I can go on and on with more examples. I will simply leave you with this. After Chuck and the nurses left the room I asked about the chances for twins based on what they saw on the ultrasound.

Dr. Sunshine replied, "Well, hard to say since they were behind one another, but I would say very slim. I can't really give odds, but if I was a gambler, I wouldn't put any money on it."

Funny, but if I wanted a gambler's opinion, my wife would be splayed out naked on a craps table in Vegas. As it is, we decided to see a medical doctor instead. So how 'bout you just tell stick to what you saw and tells in scientific terms.

Arrghh! I apologize for complaining, but we have been looking forward to this day for a long time and the dehumanizing nature of our 15 minute appointment, literally drained all of the energy out of the both of us. Sadly they didn't even know that they were being complete assholes.

Okay, I had to vent. We are putting this behind us (and apparently on the blog for posterity) and focusing on how happy we are to have one and possibly two, healthy and beautiful sacs! I will try to write something lucid and less angry soon.